Feel Like Fakin’ Love

It’s common knowledge—or at least a tired Sex and the City cliché—that women sometimes fake orgasms. But here’s the thing: men bluff their way to the finish line, too. Jim Behrle explains why it’s A-OK for guys to indulge in some between-the-sheets theatrics

Hi, I’ m a man, and I’ve faked orgasms. I’ve put my scrunched-up, communing-with-the-universe, pleasure-stoked little O-face on when in fact I was feeling nothing. I have closed my eyes and groaned like a wildebeest. I’ve even thrown in a few twitchy little shakes at the end like there’s a loose live wire opping around inside me. 

I’m not much of an actor, but it’s not a tough thing to pull off. How, exactly? you may be wondering. Is there not, well, proof? Let me put it this way: Orgasms aren’t hard to fake; ejaculations are. Just use a condom, which I and nine out of ten dentists recommend, and you can easily obscure the lack of evidence. (“Excuse me, miss, let me just run to the bathroom and get rid of this unsightly rubber that may or may not contain my semen.”)

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The real question here is: Why would any man do this? Don’t we spend most of our busy hours—and all of our bored ones—plotting to get women into bed with us, just to have the opportunity to orgasm? How could I be so ungrateful? So careless with my good fortune?

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Point taken. But the problem with that attitude is that it doesn’t account for system malfunctions. Totally natural system malfunctions. Picture this: Woman beneath me. We’ve had sex a handful of times before. The thrill of new sex has maybe given way to the part where I’ve found a comfortable, familiar rhythm and started to scan the spines on her bookshelf. It’s very late. I’m very drunk. Numb. Psyching myself out here now. Plus, I need sleep. In fact, I must sleep. As I rapidly approach 40, if you offered me the choice between the hottest sex of my life or the greatest nap of all time, well, I would have a lot of trouble making that choice. So I decide: This must end.

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Perfect sex is pretty much a myth. And men shouldn’t be ashamed of that. When a pitcher has a bad night, it doesn’t mean he’s a bad pitcher. Shit happens. How often does a pitcher even throw a complete game? The manager just comes out, takes the ball, pats you on the ass, and gets someone else to finish the job. “Now completing the sex act with your girlfriend, number 42, Mariano Rivera!”

Read full article on GQ.com