Hacking Your Relationship Takes Courage

When Prof and I are talking shop about our relationship on date night, I often wonder if the couple at the next table can overhear us. When it is just the two of us and we are sharing and visioning about our relationship, it feels easy and right. After all we have been open now since 2006, it doesn’t compute that is has been that long.

The relaxed way we are able to ask about other partners, the smiles we share stemming from compersion, the encouragement for pursuing emotional connections, all of it feels like a simple manifestation of who we are. It reflects the abundant love in our partnership of over two decades.

It is bizarre, but often I forget how counterculture we really are. We never really intend on being standard-bearers for the cause, yet here we are telling our story on the podcast for years.

There are those moments when we walk to the line, the monogamish line, in conversation with some people. It is then when I feel that hesitance in sharing that it takes courage to flout the culture construct of monogamy. Despite that fact that you may be extraordinarily fulfilled and solid in your relationship, the fact that you choose to live beyond the rules is more than many people can allow.

Although you likely decided to pursue ethical non-monogamy for personal reasons, the world wants to make it about them. When they glance in the mirror that is your awesome relationship, most often people see their own lack of fulfillment reflected back.

It is a reinvention, an inspired hack, to look within yourself, decide what you want and make it happen outside the bounds of the rules.

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