Nation Too Sad To Fu*k Even Though It’s What Prince Would Have Wanted

After hearing the shocking news of the iconic pop star’s unexpected death, the U.S. populace reported Thursday that it was simply too sad to fuck, even though they knew it was what Prince would have wanted.

Some reports affirm that sex, enjoyed by all people to the music of Prince, is, in fact, canceled. And that’s final. It doesn’t feel right.

“If Prince is looking down on us right now, I know he’d want to see us all get down and fuck, but I’m still just so upset that he’s gone that I don’t think I could get in the mood,” said 37-year-old Arizona resident Carol Parnum, echoing the sentiment of tens of millions of Americans across the country, who acknowledged that, despite recognizing that nothing would have brought more joy to the seven-time Grammy-winning multi-instrumentalist than everyone getting freaky and fucking all night long, their emotions were still much too raw to do so. 

Read full article on The Onion