BY CAROLYN KYLSTRA,
Be a better lover tonight.
We scoured the latest studies, grilled dozens of experts, and polled more than 700 women to come up with this enlightening list of 12 rules guaranteed to make you a better lover—tonight.
By turning her fantasies into reality, she’ll be more likely to agree to act out your wildest sex dreams.
And she’ll want sex more often, so things will only get better every time you get naked with her.
1. Greater Focus Leads to Hotter Sex
What’s the best way to unlock a woman’s wildest desires in bed?
“Passion,” said 42 percent of the women we surveyed.
“That means being in the moment and not being distracted,” says Joel Block, Ph. D., a Long Island-based psychologist and the author of Secrets of Better Sex. “Sex is a conversation, and she doesn’t want to feel like you wish you had your BlackBerry.”
A woman takes attendance during sex in many ways, and the strongest signal you can send comes from your mouth. More than 90 percent of women we surveyed said a man’s primal panting turns them on.
But use words over Tarzan grunts, if you can.
“You want to reassure her, ‘Do that more,’ ‘That feels so good,’ or ‘Oh, I love that,’ ” says Logan Levkoff, Ph. D., a New York City-based sexologist and the author of Third Base Ain’t What It Used to Be. Beyond giving her a confidence boost, the extrasensory seduction intensifies the experience.
Nonverbal communication is important, too.
Bursts of eye contact, lip nibbles, and any other kind of physical or verbal communication show her she’s the one pushing your buttons, not some fantasy fembot in your head.
If the soulful eye lock’s not for you, bury your face in her neck, run the tip of your tongue from her collarbone to her earlobe, and whisper why she’s driving you crazy.
2. Foreplay Can Be the Main Event
“‘Foreplay’ is a terrible word because it implies that it’s leading to something more important,” says sexuality counselor Beverly Whipple, Ph. D., R. N., a coauthor of The G Spot and Other Discoveries About Human Sexuality. “You’ll both have more fun if you think of it as sex play and make it about discovering and enjoying each other, not just reaching the finish line.”
The women we surveyed agreed: Two in five said their last orgasm occurred during foreplay itself, not intercourse.
What’s more, when asked to rank their partners’ bedroom skills, the women’s top two complaints were a lack of sexual creativity and subpar manual sex skills, in that order. Ouch.
Your move? Tell her you want to go three sack sessions sans penetration.
Ditching the same old script—foreplay, sex, cuddling—will help your creative instincts spring to life.
Bonus: Sexual novelty re-creates those early-relationship, take-me-now hormones, says psychiatrist Daniel Amen, M. D., the author of Sex on the Brain: 12 Lessons to Enhance Your Love Life.