During the first few months of a relationship, a couple can usually be found in one of two places: her bedroom or his. And for good reason: During that delicious early phase of dating, the sex is ultra-new, ultra-frequent, and in many cases, ultrahot.
But the searing level of heat is bound to begin to cool at some point. The initial rush of hormones calms down and when that shift happens, it’s hard not to be bummed. Thankfully, it’s not a sign that the chemistry has evaporated – just a reminder that to keep your lust life scorching long term, you have to expend a little erotic energy. Here is my erotic advice on how to behave like a true alpha male and keep the passion ignited continuously.
Treat each other like lust objects
There’s this idea that being in love means always having romantic sex. But the truth is that urgent, animalistic sex is just as important in a relationship as the kind where you look into each other’s eyes. So channel your inner sex god like you did in the early days of dating. Send her a steamy text during the workday that lets her know how much you’re dying to get your hands on her. The next time you see each other, you’ll both be raring to pounce. When it comes to doing the deed, manufacture a sense of urgency. Grab her while she’s getting something out of the fridge and playfully slam her against the door, or give her some unexpected (but very welcome) company in the shower. The element of surprise will help reignite the excitement you felt during the first few months.
Carve out carnal time
If you’ve been together for a while now and you get horizontal less often, you need to start discovering “maintenance sex” (don’t worry, it’s hotter than it sounds.) Maintenance sex means making a conscious effort to jump each other on a regular basis – even if sometimes it feels you’re both not necessarily in the mood at the time. You’ll notice that once your bodies start going through the sexy motions, your brains will get in on the action too. So instead of channel surfing/snuggling in front of the TV to unplug after long days at work, start making out. Then slowly start peeling off each other’s clothes. Another suggestion: even if neither of you is a morning person, set the alarm early to have a 10-minute quickie before work that will leave you both giddy for the rest of the day. Then try it again the next day or the day after. Just make sure you don’t skimp on foreplay. Maintenance sex isn’t going to be satisfying if you always rush into intercourse. You need to make time to arouse each other physically first. That allows for the desired part of the equation to catch up.
Move out of your comfort zone
If dirty talk was never part of your repertoire, whisper some lascivious words to her during sex. You’re creating a sex language that’s only for the two of you. Also, aim for cautious spontaneity, such as getting it on in your locked bedroom while your party guests are downstairs or doing it in the car, even if it’s just in your driveway. Explore a position that you and your partner may have felt was a little taboo or tricky but that you are totally curious about. Or incorporate sex toys into your sack sessions, like bringing an egg-shaped vibrator to bed so you can give her a tantalizing buzz. Pushing the envelope may feel awkward at first, but it really pays off. That initial rush of hormones you both experienced at the beginning of your relationship may have faded, but you can always rerelease their effects by creating a sense of excitement and desire for each other.
More from Gabrielle Moore: