I love vaginas – I just don’t like licking them.
I’m a 31-year-old, married, heterosexual man and I don’t like to eat pussy. It’s something that I don’t do and that I have always tried to avoid in the past. When I was asked to write this piece, I felt like a kind of rare bird – though I’m sure I’m actually not. I am also not afraid of being called a jerk by women who will get personally offended by this article or will be quick to judge that I don’t like vaginas.
That is not true, and it is also not true of all the other straight men who, like me, do not perform oral sex. I love vaginas – I just don’t like licking them. I know a lot of guys who don’t take pleasure in that act either, but of course, there are also a lot of guys who think I’m an asshole. Then there are those who do not enjoy it, but still, do it out of gratitude or a sense of obligation.
Unlike the girl who doesn’t like to give blowjobs, there are no moral principles behind my choice. The reasons that push me to steer clear of cunnilingus have nothing to do with trauma, latent homosexuality or a need to assert my masculinity.
Take any porn content aggregator. At the moment, I have RedTube open in front of me. Doing a quick search, I find 5,542 videos in the “Blowjobs” category and only 1,547 in the “Licking Pussy” category – most of which feature girls who appear moved by mutual feelings of affection towards each other. Obviously, a search of this kind does not have great statistical value and cannot be representative of the sexual activities of all heterosexual males. But it certainly has some significance: If you’re looking for something to masturbate, you watch a simple blowjob. Why? Because it is decisively better.
I’ve tried to enjoy going down on someone and occasionally I still try it to see if something has changed over time – maybe, I think, it’s like when you’ve spent your whole life not eating a certain thing and then you suddenly realize you like it. This has just not been the case with me and pussy.
The first time I did it was obviously a disaster. She was unjustly better looking than I was and the first girl whose clothes I managed to take off. For fear she would stop me or change her mind, I limited myself to shifting her knickers to one side. I had watched enough porn to be convinced I knew how to do it and threw myself in with enthusiasm. It tasted slightly rusty (and I remember thinking that exact word) and, after I spent some time trying, unable to hold my breath any longer, I gave up.